because he has dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13:6
Blessings often look like anything but the rosy pictures you have in your head until you reflect on your journey as a whole.
Whenever special occasions come up, I can't help but be moved by how blessed I am, in spite of how I came to where I am now.
Today, as I turn 27, I want to put those thoughts on paper (in the virtual world, that is) so I'll always remember just how God has written my story so far.
I'm going to list out some pivotal moments/season of life and do a comparison between my perspective and God's bigger plan.
My Perspective:
Sitting in the back of my Religious Studies class in 5th grade (I went to a Catholic school), I distinctively remember thinking "God doesn't exist" and "these Bible stories are just fictional stories." Even though I never bother to dig deep into the subject and find out about the truth for myself, I made the subconscious decision to remain atheist.
God's Bigger Plan:
This moment of active rebellion serves as a prologue to God's redemption story of my life.
My Perspective:
In college, over 7000 miles away from home in a culture foreign to my upbringing, I had a difficult time finding people I could connect with. I was lonely.
I also got to experience how self-centered people could be. I found it true that people would use you for their gains if they could. It was rather shocking to my sheltered world.
Meanwhile, my parents encouraged me to go to church and meet people (even though they were not believers, they believed that church-goers were nicer people who would befriend me). I refused, however, feeling like I was going to church in exchange for friendship, like I had an agenda, like a fraud.
God's Bigger Plan:
God used these 2 lonely and hard years to humble my heart, so that when He'd knock at my door again, I would let Him in.
My Perspective:
I transferred to a different college in a different state (helloooo, Iowa!) after 2 years in SoCal. By this time, I was so desperate for genuine and kind human connection that when my roommate invited me to a Christian college ministry meeting, I didn't even think twice about it. And there I met genuine folks who actually cared for me. They had no agendas in mind, they were just there to be my friend. So I kept going back, despite my rejection towards God.
God's Bigger Plan:
He used these friends of mine to greatly influenced my impression of Him. I saw how different these friends were; my rejection towards God turned into curiosity. In curiosity, I drew closer and closer to God by asking lots of questions. I came to the conclusion that while I might have been a 'good' person in the world's standard, I really was prideful and had turned my back on God. I decided to come back to Him, through Jesus Christ.
My Perspective:
Let's rewind back to when I was about 20. I had never dated anyone. The hopeless romantic inside of me desperately wanted to be adored by a man. And I felt like the world around me was telling me how I should have been dating by now and should have marriage in the foreseeable future. I was crying on the inside thinking, at this rate, I would probably still be single looking for love at the age of 30.
God's Bigger Plan:
I now laugh at how silly I must have looked in God's eyes when those thoughts came to me. Little did I know, God was already preparing my future groom a couple thousand miles away. God brought Grant into my life when my roommate at Iowa introduced me to him shortly after I had transferred. A little over 2 years later, we exchanged vows and entered into a covenant :)
And, to be honest, if I had been dating before Grant, I probably would have brought a lot more baggage into our marriage than I already had. My single years were totally God's protection.
Now at the age of 27, I've been married to Grant for 4 years, we have a 15-month-old AND we're expecting another one. CRAZY! I wonder what life will really be like when I'm 30 ;)
So this is a snippet of how God has blessed me, even when it didn't seem like they were blessings at the time.
Do you relate? Do you now clearly see those blessings that you thought were otherwise? I'd love to hear your story!
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